I don't think I've ever thought more about death than I have since 2009 began. Our father died in January which was strange to say the least. At the end of February, two very good men who had been our neighbors passed away. Then, on March 4th, my beloved Aunt Shirley succumbed to the lung cancer that she had been fighting for over a year. Losing an aunt is bad enough but losing her was one of the most terrible things that have ever happened in my life. You'd have to be in our family to know what a wonderful woman that she was. Open heart, open home and endless love - always. I wouldn't be the woman that I am now had it not been for my Mother and Aunt Shirley. My Mother got to be with her beloved sister until the undertaker came to take her away. I kept humming the song "Will the Circle be Unbroken" that entire day. It never had the same meaning as it does to me now. My sweet cousin no longer has her Mother and I know her heart is broken. She has a strong faith that has gotten her through her Mother's illness and will get her through the grief and pain.I know that death is the natural order of things- I know all of the facts such as she's not suffering any longer. However, what you know in your head and what you feel in your heart are two very different things. It was very difficult to see my 90 year old Grandmother grapple with the fact that her oldest child was gone before her. It isn't supposed to happen that way. She was only 17 when she gave birth to Aunt Shirley so they had grown up together.
My Mother and her only sister were closer than any two sisters could've been. I could see the pain on my Mother's face when she picked me up from the airport- she asked me "Do I look bad?" I replied , "No, you simply look sad."
It knocks the very wind out of your being when these things begin to happen. Sadly, it goes on for the rest of our lives. I have faith but I can verbalize that I don't like any of this one bit. I feel cheated. This world will be a much smaller place without my dear Aunt Shirley roaming among us. She will live in our hearts forever.
